Thighs That Could Crush a Melon ~ Boudoir Guest Blog, Vancouver, WA

Where to begin?

I had been creeping Brittneys confidence group for quite some time. If you are not a member, stop reading, join it, then come back to finish, that is the best thing I’ve done for myself as silly as that sounds. I’ve always had very low self esteem. Pointing out my flaws every chance I could. My belly never laid perfectly flat, I've got love handles that bulge past my pant line, and thighs that could crush a melon. I’ve always been so negative with myself even resulting in a minor case of anorexia in high school and again in college. When I joined this group I slowly stopped thinking about all of my flaws, I began to put myself into a better mindset, bodies are different, it doesn't matter if you are carrying a little extra weight, have a double chin or have stretch marks. You are beautiful how you are. That was something this photo shoot helped solidify in my brain for the rest of my life.

So why did I choose to put myself out there?

If you’ve met me I am one of the most awkward people out there, even my fiance asked if I was going to be ok with all of this... My photos going up on a website, being posted for years to come, writing a blog post, doing a LIVE session for everyone to see me in all my awkwardness.

If I’m being honest… I wasn't sure it was going to be okay, but I wanted to do this… For him more than anything.

I chose to apply for the ambassador position. The group became such a help for my self esteem and I could feel my self confidence radiating the more active I was in the group, seeing other women with various body sizes and shapes that had such beauty and confidence captured in Brittney’s photos. I thought to myself: I wanted to do that, and my fiance would die to see me like this. I want to show other women I too can be confident, or maybe I just wanted to prove to myself I could.

I was so excited to hear from Brittney that I was chosen! I thought to myself yes! I can do this! I began finding outfits Immediately! I went through her lingerie guide and began to get Ideas of what I wanted to wear. Then, I began searching through amazon for a few different choices and wearing a piece the fiance loves as well.  I found this beautiful green gown I just knew would compliment my eyes perfectly, and a white set that would drop my fiance to his knees in awe. 

Then I found out I was pregnant.

Immediately I began thinking: Can I do this?  But it didn't take long before I began the thought YOU HAVE TO!   That's when the nerves started to kick in… How big will my bump be? How soon can we do this before I start having major body changes? Am I going to be morning sick during my session?

I was 9 weeks along when I had my session. A little bump was beginning but nothing too noticeable.  I sat in my car for about 10 minutes before gaining the slightest bit of confidence to walk in with my bag of clothes and heels feeling a little nauseous, hoping it was just the nerves and not baby protesting already.

I knocked on the door and took the biggest breath I could.

Brittney answered the door with a big smile on her face  (or I assumed she was smiling through the mask). My nerves at this point were just about as high as they could be without having a total meltdown and running as fast as I could out the door. Could I really do this? 

She introduced me to Morgan and I began the hair and make up process. Morgan was such a great spirit, she kept me talking and kept me from thinking about how I was going to be half naked in front of a stranger in just a little bit. She had so many compliments to give and such great advice. She completed hair and make-up, I looked as beautiful as a disney princess and it was time. I had felt a little better at this point, the door didn't seem as appealing to run out and I was looking good, not so much feeling good yet, the nerves were still in the back of my head.

Wait… OMG it was time…

Brittney asked a few questions about my self conscious areas and more importantly the areas I love about myself, we planned out my outfits to wean me into comfortability and the whole process went smoothly.

As I got into each outfit I took my own selfies and sent them over to my man who of course I knew would have nothing but good things to say, I refused to walk out until he responded, snacking on M&Ms as I waited not so patiently for his responses, and with a little bit of his help, each time I walked out of the dressing curtains with a smile, a touch more of confidence, and a little less nausea from the nerves.

The real confidence came from Brittney though, small instructions on where to put my hands, my legs or what to do with my awkward face, after the first outfit I FELT GOOD! 

We got to the white outfit and I felt confident, glowing, and overall radiant, great timing too cause it was time for the Live video, I honestly forgot the camera was there and was just thinking about how great these pictures were turning out (even though I didn't see them, I could tell I looked good!). The back arches and the butt shots I knew the fiance was going to love everything that was happening. 

Brittney was the hype girl I needed as a mirror attachment at home, cheering me on everytime I put on an outfit, and every time the shutters clicked. By the end of my session I gained something even better than my own personal hype girl though. My own confidence. I was my own cheerleader. My eyes stopped looking at my “problem areas” by the third outfit and I was way more focused on how good my chest and butt looked. I’m not lying when I say I could have walked out to my car in the strappy red outfit, head held high with no fear. 

I got home with the biggest smile on my face ready to change out of sweatpants and go out! I gave my fiance his little sneak peak polaroid and he was just about as excited as me to see the rest of the amazing shots. I took my fiance out to lunch, walked around the mall, then eventually he wanted to take me out to dinner. I wanted to show off wearing a tight dress I hadn’t touched in my closet since college days, and his eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas. I absolutely could not wait to see the pictures and as soon as I got my sneak peaks I fell in love with myself all over again. 

Damn I looked good. 

I thought I was doing this for my fiance, but in the end I did this for me, to remind myself that bodies change through the years and that’s normal. That MY BODY was beautiful curves, stretch marks and all. I gained so much more out of this than I ever expected. My own sense of beauty, confidence, and a whole new mindset about myself. I cannot wait to go back for my mom-body photo shoot.